Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Let's Talk About "Mature" Han and Leia fanfic

It seems we got sick of talking about Carrie's book once it finally came out, and there are quite a few people who had no interest in discussing the real people as it interferes with the fun of the characters, and I totally respect and understand that. Of course we are all here far more for Han and Leia than we are for the actors who played them (although we thank them for doing such a great job and giving them such good faces to go with the characters). Of course any of you still interested in discussing the book can go back to the previous post, though things had slowed down.

So, let's move on to talking about fanfic again, since that is a very large part of why we are all here. And as a side note let's also thank Amara Z for that lovely photoshop job she did on the above picture. More specifically, let's talk about "adult" Han and Leia stories. You know, the ones that go into the sex details, the ones that sometimes we all seek out specifically rather than being bothered by looking for a story with actual plot. Although of course there are plenty of stories with actual plot that also include some good sex scenes.

I think as far as our readers here go, we have a wide range of ages and also a lot of variations as far as how long we have all been reading fanfic. There are people who have been around for a few years, a lot of years, and probably even some who have been around since you couldn't even use the internet to find stories. For myself, I discovered fanfic right around the turn of the century (that sounds old). For anyone not familiar with things back then, there were several good sources for fanfic stories, and most of them no longer exist. I think fanfix was the main one I visited. Also these sites were not like ff.net where anyone can go and post a story, stories had to be submitted, so there wasn't quite the endless stream of content that there is now, and updates were not all that frequent. I do miss some of the Han and Leia specific sites we used to have. There were so many of them that there was even a Han and Leia webring, which some of you old timers may remember. I believe exactly zero of the sites that used to be in that webring still exist. Each of these sites had pictures and fanfic, and a few had forums. There were usually not a ton of stories, but most of them were good.

One thing many of you who were not around then may not realize, is that finding adult Han and Leia stories was like finding buried treasure. There weren't that many of them, and if you spent even a small amount of time in the fandom it didn't usually take you all that long to find all of them, and then remember specifically where to find each one. And let's face it, pretty much the first thing you do when you discover fanfic (especially if you are a teenager, like I was) is go and find all the smutty stories, because online fanfic is your only way to read about that with your favorite characters, because it certainly wasn't in any EU book.

Now, aside from these stories being difficult to find, I would also say that they were probably pretty.... tame compared to what you see now. What I'm going to discuss now was actually more the point of this post, and you're going to see me kind of struggling to find the best way to say what I want to say about the differences I've noticed over the most recent years of things shifting.

Han and Leia stories with sex tended to follow a similar formula. Like, seriously, I think almost every single one was Han goes down on Leia, missionary sex, the end. I never really gave this much thought until quite a bit later when talking with other readers, but it really is kind of funny that they were all so similar. I probably have most of my "adult" stories follow this formula too. Please do not let this stop you from occasionally writing stories like that, because I'm sure they do it like that sometimes. It was just kind of amusing that that was pretty much the only way things went. But there usually wasn't much else going on, and it was incredibly rare that you would find a story where Leia would go down on Han. So rare, in fact, that for a long time you could probably count the stories on one hand and you would know exactly where all of them were located.

They also tended to not be overly explicit. Body parts were not referred to by much more than maybe something like "his manhood" or "her femininity" or something else like that. The thing is, I've noticed that there has been a general change in Han and Leia adult stories, and I was curious if I was the only one who noticed. One other thing you should know about me if you don't already is I am very monogamous in my fandom interests. I really only read about Han and Leia and Star Wars. I think some people are interested in other fandoms, and for those of you who are I'd be really interested to hear from you if there are similar tendencies within those fandoms, or similar shifts in how things are done or if maybe we are unique here in our Han and Leia corner of the universe. And also, please know that I am not calling any of these changes bad, or saying that there is anything wrong with the way these stories have evolved. It's just changed quite a bit and has become much more standard to be going in the complete opposite direction with it, and it is just interesting to me that it has become so much more normal when it used to be rare to non existent. Also I should note that I had never been a reader on AO3 because I find their tags frustrating and making it nearly impossible to sort and find a story you would actually want to read, so maybe this has all been around a lot longer than I would even realize.

So in like 2009 I started spending a lot more time reading Han and Leia fanfic again, and story updates on ff.net were fairly infrequent. I think there were literally like 4-5 pages of adult stories and that's it. And really even then there was very little just outright smut as most of the stories included sex within a much longer and more involved narrative. Sometime a few years ago there started to be more and more "mature" stories out there. And somewhere along the line I started noticing that they were a lot more explicit than the old ones had been, and it became more the norm than the exception.

This is really in terms of almost everything. Words that are used to describe body parts, positions, Leia finally more regularly going down on Han (I'm sure fictional Han is thrilled with this change in the dynamic) words the characters are using and such. Again, I'm by no means saying this is a bad thing, it is just something that has changed noticeably. Does anyone have any theories as to why this is? Part of it I think is just that one or two people "broke the mold" and started writing that way, and it was no longer this small niche of people writing stories that most everyone else was too shy to comment on or admit they liked. Also probably because the writing itself was of higher quality, where I can think of a few stories that went in that direction but the writing wasn't any good and it was done more purely for the shock value or just to be as graphic as possible. So once it became more "mainstream" and accepted, I think other people were less shy about being a little more explicit in writing those scenes.

One other theory I have is that this shift happened near the time that Fifty Shades came out. Of course the funny thing there is for anyone who read it, it actually isn't outrageously explicit, and the author especially shies away from using certain slang words to describe genitalia or anything, to the point that that, among other things, was largely criticized. So, maybe that made people less shy about holding back in writing those scenes? Again, these are all just theories that I have no way to know whether or not they are true. But seriously, a few years ago there were maybe one or two "dirty" stories you'd see the word cock in, and now it's pretty standard.

Again, don't get me wrong, it's been fun to see Han and Leia get a somewhat more adventurous sex life. I think they'd be far from boring. And it's also interesting that while there are certain things that once upon a time I'd have thought Leia might not say or do, seeing a lot of those things now in stories regularly makes me think more like, sure, why not? (although this does depend on what period in their relationship they are in). And again I'd be interested to hear from anyone especially who has been involved in other fandoms to see how these kinds of stories are handled there, and if there was a similar shift or if we were sort of behind the times here.

Anyway, hopefully this will be an interesting conversation!

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The Princess Diarist is Out

Because the comments section on the last post had gotten a little long, here's a new one. You can still comment on the other post too of course, it's just easier if there are fewer than 200 comments. Anybody start reading yet? I haven't, I know it is already waiting for me on my Kindle. I'm trying to get some things done today before I start reading because I know once I start then it's all over for productivity. I really didn't expect that we were going to have so much to talk about with this book!

I saw Carrie on Stephen Colbert last night too. She took her glasses off for the first part of the interview and she should do that more often, because she looked so much more like herself. Also when he mentioned Harrison you could tell she knows that she is in big trouble and/or has now essentially ended that friendship. Maybe. Again, it's all so weird in so many ways. She still seems shocked that so many people are paying attention to this. Uh, sorry, of course everyone was going to be paying lots of attention to this.

I finished the whole book the day it came out. I stayed up way too late but got it done. Not because it was so good, but largely because I wanted to get the pain of reading it over with. That is not to say that Carrie is a bad writer, because she is of course not. It's actually incredibly impressive what a good writer she was even at 19 when you read her excerpts. But just the depth of her pain back then is downright heartbreaking. Especially because she doesn't seem to do much to assure her audience that she is much better off now.

Those of you who read excerpts and articles have probably already read most of the juiciest details. When you all heard this book was going to come out, what did you think it was going to be about? It is basically 90% about her being obsessed with Harrison. The beginning is some background of her and getting cast and her first movie role on Shampoo. And at the end there is some stuff about going to conventions and signing autographs. Other than that, it is all about Harrison, and her obsession with him, her wish he would love her, and him being pretty much dead silent about everything.

There is basically not one other thing she talks about in regard to actually making the movie. Oh, a long thing about the hair styling thing but that all happened before Harrison showed up, so she couldn't have talked about him yet. One surprising thing was that at some point in one of her diary excerpts she actually mentions she maybe wishes she had had her affair with Mark instead, because at least that might have been a little more meaningful.

It's just really, really hard to read about someone being so infatuated with someone and knowing that it is not and never will be reciprocated. I think we probably all knew she had self esteem issues, but it is just really awful to read about. And while I am sure all of us have felt similarly at some point, usually when you read something like this you get some reassurance later that things turned out all right, and all those awful feelings were unfounded. This is just that much more painful because we know that's not how it ended up. And I'm not even talking about her winding up with Harrison, because that was just never going to happen. I'm talking about her at least finding someone who would feel about her the way she felt about them.

I really doubt that Harrison possibly could've read this, even if he tried. How many pages could you read about someone having been obsessed with you so many years ago? It just keeps going and going, and then you get to the diary excerpts where it just gets worse when you see how she really felt about the whole thing.

This is just not at all the book I was expecting when this was announced. And I pretty much think there is no way he will ever speak to her again. I think part of him is mad, but I also think that part of him feels bad about the whole thing but what can even be done about it now? Nothing. It's just.... uncomfortable to read about, mostly. And I can see why Carrie is visibly uncomfortable now when she is on shows talking about it. Yikes.

Oh and I almost forgot that she also discusses how she had to start doing autographs and stuff because she really needed the money. Apparently money is an issue for her. So, I do think that that is probably a motivating factor for this book, though I also think maybe now she thinks it wasn't worth it. We probably all would've bought it if she had talked more about like, what it was like to work with a Wookiee. But really it sounds like she spent the whole time being obsessed with Harrison and thought about nothing else.

Monday, November 14, 2016

The Princess Diarist is Coming, and Will Reportedly Finally Contain Confirmation and Details of Affair Between Harrison and Carrie

It has been very quiet around here, understandably. And perhaps I should wait another week or so until after I download it on my Kindle and read it but I think it's time to get excited about this book coming out. I wrote this post one day before some very enlightening information hit the internet, so I will add on additional info after what I posted already.

For any of you who are unaware, although I'm not sure how anyone reading here would be, this is Carrie Fisher's latest book which will be publishing excerpts from her diary that she kept during the shooting of A New Hope. I believe it is only her diary from the first movie. This book was announced a very long time ago and I think originally was supposed to be published last spring and then kept getting bumped out but as of now it is still slated for November 22.

When it was first announced of course I, like many others, was very excited. For some reason I find myself less excited about it now but I will still be reading it immediately. I mean, do we really think she is going to let us know the actual good stuff? It will be interesting to see though just how much she goes into her crush on Harrison at the time. My guess is not much. Although actually I feel like if it only ever really was just a crush (I am far more undecided on the did they/didn't they question of Carrie and Harrison than I am about the same question about Han and Leia on the way to Bespin) she wouldn't really hold back on sharing those bits. Whereas if something DID happen, she would maybe tone it down and underplay it all.

One thing I'm hoping for sure is that she goes out and does some promoting on TV for this one, because if there is anything we all love, it is Carrie TV interviews. And also Gary, who accompanies her on all of these interviews. Also, this is one of the few upcoming Star Wars related things that I do not fear at all will ruin anything for me.

So, are you guys excited? Will you be buying and reading? Have you been reading any other Star Wars books lately? Is anyone still around?



There it is, everyone. What we have long suspected but never been sure of. As I said in my comment,  Ok, really, can we talk about this? I have a lot of thoughts. I mean like anyone I've always wondered, and part of me felt like it was so obvious that of course they did, but then another part of me always felt like, well, she was SO young, and he was definitely married (which makes me disappointed in him even though I should probably just accept that at some point he cheated on at least 2 of his 3 wives, probably a lot) and it also seems odd to me that you can later be close friends with someone after something like that. And now just reading a brief paragraph about how she fantasized about him proposing to her and stuff, even though part of that can just be like, young fantasies, still kind of makes me sad for her. It also makes me think less of him if he really did get her drunk and take her to bed, because that's... well, anyway...

So, well, while the fantasy of them having had this affair was always kind of fun, I'm annoying and can't not think about a lot of the outside factors that make the reality of it seem a lot less fun. But then rules in the 70s were a little foggier. And, well, Hollywood actors.

But seriously, why NOW is she just confirming this for sure? Is it that they shot their last movie together and it is apparent that she will probably never see him again so she's like, what the hell? This is now the only thing anyone is going to ask her about.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Happy Birthday, Carrie Fisher!

For those of you who are not aware (and I actually was not until I went on Twitter this morning) today is Carrie Fisher's birthday. And not just any birthday, but today she is sixty years old. Really pretty hard to believe that the 19-year-old from Star Wars is now sixty. I'd say I've aged the same number of years over the same amount of time but I was not yet in existence in 1977 ;) 

The woman has been through a whole lot, and it is probably somewhat miraculous that she is even still here with us to celebrate this birthday. But I'm glad she is. Beyond just being the absolute perfect casting choice for Princess Leia (do you ever wonder if you'd love Han and Leia so much if they weren't Harrison and Carrie? Because I sure do) she is one of the wittiest and funniest people out there. She also has the coolest dog in the entire canine community. I hope she sticks around with us for a long time, keeps on being the custodian of Princess Leia and protecting her sanctity but while also having a sense of humor about it. Like joking about how Leia divorced Han because he didn't take her to hyperspace enough. (we all know he did it plenty, I can definitely laugh at that joke)  I'm just sorry that they brought her back only to make her hopelessly tragic and sad. Which is not at all her fault.

So, happy birthday, Carrie. And maybe next time you two see each other you can get a birthday kiss from Harrison.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

What Do You Think of Rogue One?

Ok, let's talk about something a little different (although if you have unrelated comments, go ahead with those too.) The latest Rogue One trailer came out today. About a year ago the final major Episode 7 trailer came out and I was jumping out of my skin and probably watched it 15 times that night, largely because it showed Han and Leia hugging, which offered a bit of hope in spite of the fact that it was apparent that Leia looked horribly sad which just couldn't have been good news, but I naively held onto some optimism anyway.

So now we have the first so-called "spin-off" movie trailer. It's not about Skywalkers or really even Jedi, but a group of Rebels who are working to steal the Death Star plans. Gee, wonder if they succeed? So, what do you guys think? Are you excited? Indifferent? Annoyed? Cautiously optimistic?

I'll be honest and say that I'm not particularly excited about this movie. I'm not actively against it, as I am about the young Han Solo movie, it's just that I don't really expect it to be very good, or to suck me in and make me want to watch it a hundred times like the OT. All right, we have another female lead, which I guess is cool. But I think it is going to be hard to top Daisy Ridley's performance (if it weren't for her, and at least getting to see Han Solo again even if they ruined him, I think TFA would be a COMPLETE waste of time) and also maybe difficult to make us all care about her character. The trailer did intrigue me slightly when they did a little flashback of her, maybe giving her a bit more depth there and telling us there is something more, but I'm still skeptical there. They also haven't really shown me anything in other characters that looks particularly compelling.

The one thing that gets me kind of excited, and which also proves to me that I am also a general Star Wars nerd and not just all about Han and Leia, was seeing Vader again. Yeah, that's pretty cool and I think will be fun to see on screen again. Also reminds me that we should probably have James Earl Jones record every word in the English language so we can use his voice in any movie even after he dies.

I don't know, is it the actual movie? Is it that they are already in just two movies burning me out on Star Wars? Would I be more excited about this if TFA hadn't completely destroyed my faith in the franchise in general? I can't really answer that. I can say though that with the trailer for TFA, every single time I saw it, I got chills. I saw a bunch of movies last fall in the theater and saw the trailer on the big screen several times, and I was mesmerized, every time. I saw this one on the big screen I think twice already (well, the earlier version) and felt... nothing. Not that I outright expect it to be bad, I just kind of expect it to be forgettable. I could be very wrong there, but time will tell.

The only really good news to me is that it stands a MUCH slimmer chance of doing anything to ruin any of our favorite things about Star Wars like TFA did. I mean, I guess theoretically they could do something awful there, I just don't think in this case they will. So at least it feels somewhat "safer" in that case.

Anybody else with any opinions? I've seen several people who have reacted quite favorably to the trailer, and I think that's great. I just don't really get it.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Waning Enthusiasm for (Almost) All Things Star Wars

The activity level on the blog has slowed dramatically. I'm going to discuss a topic I've been thinking about a lot lately, although I'm sure I've mentioned a lot about it in recent months anyway.

I've realized that my excitement and enthusiasm for most things Star Wars related has dropped essentially to zero. I no longer feel like the movie "ruined" Han and Leia FOR ME, anyway. Because for me, that's just not what happened. Did they ruin them as far as the canon movies goes? Uh... it sure looks like it. Not just them, but Luke, too. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking of them the way I had always thought of them.

It's hard not to think about how nine months ago today, I was beyond excited to see this new movie. I couldn't believe how lucky we were to get another one. And then I left the theater feeling basically.... gutted. They basically did all the worst possible things I could've imagined. I mean, sure, maybe it would've been worse if Han and Leia split up the day after ROTJ and never saw each other again (would it have been worse though? I'm not sure) or possibly if Leia was the one to murder Han herself because he had become horribly abusive and deserved it. Ok, yeah, that would've been worse. But they had given us CLOSE to the worst possible outcome. Split up, miserable, only having had one kid who turned out to be pure evil, quite possibly due to Han's crappy parenting, no other kids to carry on their legacy, and their own kid straight up murders Han Solo, the most beloved movie character in the history of cinema (maybe second next to Chewbacca) without ever having any sort of reconciliation with Leia. Or his son. To top it off, this moment that I guess maybe could've had some real emotional impact just seemed sort of hollow because we were not really given any context to this relationship at all. Was Han really a disappointment? How long has it even been since those two saw each other, or since Han was with Leia? I realize that the answers to some of those questions were at least narrowed down somewhat now that we have some books, but at the time the movie came out we had no idea if it had been two months or twenty years since Ben Solo turned and Han and Leia fell apart. It was only months later that we at least had it somewhat narrowed down to something less than six, but that doesn't help a whole lot.

Did anyone feel like all of that made for a better movie? Or a more emotionally engaging one? Because for me, it not only felt like punching me in the face, but it also mostly just left me confused with all those aforementioned unanswered questions. I realize that apparently the intent was to make room for the new characters. The thing is, they forgot to give us good reasons to care about the new characters. Don't get me wrong, I do love Rey, although I think that has as much if not more to do with Daisy Ridley just being perfect in that role than Rey being a hugely compelling character yet. The ridiculous amount of unanswered questions about her along with it being more than slightly remarkable how well adjusted she is given her background are at least somewhat outshined by Daisy's on-screen presence and charisma. How much would you have loved to have gotten to see more of her going back and forth with Harrison Ford? I don't think a lot of young actresses could've pulled that off, but sorry, nope, we won't get that because Han is dead now. Anyway, I got away from my point, which was that they wanted us to focus more on these new characters, but in talking to more than one person after seeing this movie, a lot of us found it impossible to really absorb anything that happened in the final fifteen to twenty minutes of the movie because all we kept thinking about was, "I can't believe Han Solo is dead." Which isn't a great thing since arguably the most important part of the movie, Rey's duel with Kylo, happened in that final fifteen minutes.

The more time that passes from this movie, the more and more deflated I am realizing I have become as a result of it. I bought the blu ray in April, mostly for the behind the scenes stuff. Except I haven't actually watched it yet. Not just the movie, but any of it. I became even more deflated when I heard about some of the comments made on the behind the scenes stuff about Han and Leia, and didn't really want to have anything to do with it anymore. And now that I see that apparently it is going to be playing on Starz for those of us in the US, I was reminded of how much I just don't want to see it anymore. I don't even want to flip to the channel. For someone like myself who was just such a huge Star Wars fan, it really just makes me sad that I have lost the ability to be excited about it.

Last year I was actively avoiding spoilers so as not to ruin the movie for me. Now, it's not even active avoidance about Rogue One or Episode 8 or anything else, it is downright indifference. I've seen some articles linked saying things about Episode 8 or whatever. My level of indifference is almost appalling. I can't even bring myself to care. I've heard a few things about what may happen in the next one, and really they could tell me absolutely anything at this point and I wouldn't even have a reaction. It's like they have taken away my ability to care. They could tell me that Justin Bieber was going to be in the next one playing a Jedi and Rey's love interest who also sings to her something from his new album, and I'd probably just be like... eh, whatever. Ok, ok, maybe that might finally spark some rage, but hopefully you get my point. They made all my worst fears come true with the last movie, so I only expect them moving forward to do things that would upset me or make me mad. It's like a protective mechanism has kicked in, and they can't upset me with anything they do if I've stopped caring about it.

Even the trailers for Rogue One have been amazingly underwhelming to me. I'm not sure if I'd have felt different about it a year ago, but right now I'm just like... meh. I mean, as I was typing that I stopped and wondered, wait, is that coming out THIS year? I had to go check. Yes, it does. I'm sure I'll go see it, but I feel no need to be first in line or wait two hours before the theater opens to get good seats or anything like that. The first time I saw that trailer on the big screen in May I had really almost no reaction to it. That compared to every single time I saw the trailer for TFA there were at minimum goosebumps, but also occasionally tears. (I actually just had a flashback as I wrote that to "Chewie, we're home." and STILL got goosebumps so I guess I'm not completely dead inside.) 

I don't know what the point of all this was except that it feels as though this movie ruined by ability to be excited about anything further Star Wars related. I know you guys have said that there has been some great new material in the books, and I absolutely believe you. It's just that I don't know how I can enjoy any of it knowing how it all turns out. The same could possibly be said about the old EU, but among the bad stuff at least there was a lot of good stuff. At least Han and Leia were still together and had one good kid, plus a granddaughter. I'm actually glad that there are other people out there who are still excited about it and want to see what happens next and have enjoyed a lot of the new stuff. I wish I could be among you. This is not an attempt to try and convince anyone that they should be sad or not excited about any of it. Just had a lot of this on my mind lately and wanted to get it out there, especially since the blog has been so dead/quiet and it makes me wonder if others are feeling the same way, or if so many have disappeared just because they felt the same way!

At least I'll never stop loving Han and Leia, because JJ doesn't get to be the one to tell us what happened to them just because they paid him to do it.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

August Writing Challenge Submission #5 by Zyra

I haven't written anything in a very long time, so to say I feel a little rusty would be an understatement. The tone also is a little different than the other submissions so far. And maybe they aren't drunk enough for it to be "real" drunk sex. But ok, enough warnings, now for the story...

"What did you say this stuff is again?" Leia asked as she took another sip of the deep purple liquid in her glass.

"Some kind of local liquor the locals swear by," Han replied.

They were lounging on a large couch in the suite of a resort they decided to visit for their tenth anniversary. They'd left their three kids behind with their aunt and uncle, and it was their first opportunity to be alone in quite a while.

"It's really sweet," Leia said as she licked her lips. Han had to agree. It was certainly sweeter than most liquor he was used to consuming. You almost couldn't even tell it had any alcohol.

Leia was leaning up against him, more relaxed than Han had seen her in months. She surprised him by sitting up and starting to cross the room. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"Just the 'fresher, don't you worry," she said as she smiled back at him and then leaned over to place her glass on the table, stumbling slightly as she lost her balance.

Han sat up a little and held his arm out to catch her, but she caught herself first. "Whoa, you okay there, sweetheart or are you going to need an escort?"

"I'm fine," she said, swatting his hand away playfully.

"I'm not sure, you seem a little tipsy there."

She turned and stood up straight, putting her hands on her hips. "I am not tipsy. I've hardly had anything to-" she was briefly interrupted by a hiccup and then finished her sentence, "drink."

Han smirked knowingly at her and then decided to let it go for now. "Whatever you say, sweetheart."

She rolled her eyes and disappeared into the next room, and Han grabbed his drink and took another sip. The liquid was far more sweet than he would usually choose, but he had been talked into trying it by one of the locals and it was far from the worst thing he'd ever tasted. Downing the last of his glass he then picked up the bottle to add a little more.

After filling his glass and taking another sip, he glanced at the back of the bottle, noticing the alcohol content. Given the excessive sweetness of the liquor he had assumed that it would be fairly low, so he was more than slightly surprised when he noted that in fact it was quite the opposite. He smiled a little, and thought to himself that it was a good thing they hadn't planned on going anywhere else that evening.

"What's so funny?" Leia asked as she returned from the 'fresher and plopped down on the couch next to him.

"Just noticing that this stuff is a little stronger than you'd think based on the taste. Take a look," he said as he handed her the bottle.

She took it and studied the label before her eyebrows raised and she turned to look at him. "That is a lot more potent than I was expecting."

"Told ya," he said as he took the bottle back and put it down on the table. "I think maybe both of us should call it a night on this stuff."

"I'm surprised it hasn't kicked in yet. I don't think I've had this much alcohol in my system since before we had the kids."

"Nah," Han disagreed. "It was more recent than that. In fact I think it's probably why we even had Anakin in the first place."

She couldn't keep herself from smiling. "No, no, definitely not. You just couldn't keep your hands to yourself, and you looked incredibly handsome that night."

"And how do I look tonight?" he asked, pulling her closer.

She took a moment to consider her answer, brown eyes scanning him quickly before she answered. "A little blurry."

"Hmmm... maybe that's a good thing so I don't look any older than when you first met me."

"Why would that be a good thing?" she asked before she brought her hands up against his cheeks. "This is still my favorite face."

"Now I'm sure you've had too much to drink because you are hardly ever this nice to me."

Her eyes scanned his face before she replied again. "I think I'm in the mood to be even nicer to you as the night goes along."

He arched an eyebrow and before he could even wonder what she meant she leaned in to kiss him, and he could taste the sweet liquid on her tongue. Her lips moved across his jawline and started nibbling on his ear, sending a shiver down his neck. "I forgot that when you drink you tend to get a little... worked up," he said before he turned his own attention on her earlobe.

"Right, and you don't?"

"I don't need a drink to be worked up, sweetheart."

She moved her lips back across his jaw and pressed her forehead against his, her hand gently caressing the back of his neck. "That's one of the many things I love about you." Then she pulled him closer and kissed him hungrily.

Han could feel his head spinning, but he wasn't entirely sure if it was the alcohol or the sudden lack of oxygen to his brain brought on by his wife's mouth against his and the movements of her lower body against his groin. He decided it didn't matter.

Several minutes later, Leia pulled her face away and said, "I think we should move to the bedroom."

It took Han a moment for his vision to come into focus when he opened his eyes to see Leia, face slightly flushed, giving him that look that always told him quite clearly that it was going to be a very, very good night. Rather than responding, he simply lifted her off his lap and then grabbed her hand and started to pull her toward the bedroom.

"Ow!" she said at the same time he heard a slight thud and felt her catching herself on his arm.

"You okay?" he asked as he turned to see she had apparently tripped on the corner of the couch.

She collapsed against his shoulder and began giggling. Leia was not often one to giggle, but alcohol tended to make her a little... sillier than normal.

"Sorry," she whispered when she looked up at him.

"Why are you whispering?" he whispered back.

"Shhhh..." she said, bringing a finger to her lips. "We don't want to wake the kids."

"The kids aren't here," he whispered.

"Oh," she said, seeming genuinely surprised. "Good, those little monsters are always interrupting us."

"Not tonight, sweetheart, I promise. Tonight we have time to be very, very thorough."

Her face lit up and he pulled her along again and she followed eagerly. "I love it when you're thorough."

Once in the room Han let Leia's hand go so he could pull his shirt over his head while she lied down on the bed and stared dreamily up at him.

"What are you staring at?"
"I do love watching you get undressed but really I'm trying to stop the room from spinning."

"Oh, no," Han said as he cast his boots aside and then climbed to hover over her on his hands and knees on the bed. "You need to hang in there, because I have some fun ideas for tonight." He got really quiet and just stared at her for a moment before rolling onto his side to face her, his head on the pillow next to hers.

"Your head is spinning too, isn't it."

His lip curled up into a smile. "Only enough to make things interesting."

He leaned in and started kissing her again, slow and deep. They continued like that for a while, and slowly the rest of their clothes came off as well, hands lazily moving across now-bare skin. Han finally pulled away to look at Leia's face, her eyes a little glassy and staring at him intently. "Do I still look a little blurry?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No, you just look like your usual, handsome self. Do I look blurry?"

"No," he said, his voice low and rumbling. "Beautiful."

Her smile was enough to kill him sometimes. "That's just the booze talking. You're not the only one who's gotten older."

His thumbs stroked her cheeks and he got a very serious look on his face before he replied. "You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I love you."

"You get really mushy when you've been drinking."

He nodded in agreement. "I definitely do." Then he leaned in and kissed her again, slowly rolling her onto her back and settling himself on top of her. His fingers traced along her skin and caused her to shiver. "You feel a little chilly," he said as he kissed his way down her neck."

"Mmmm," she agreed. "I'm almost always a little chilly."

"Here," he said as he leaned back and pulled the sheet to cover both of them. "Just for a few minutes though, because I'm sure you won't need it for long." He winked at her and she smiled back before he kissed his way down her body, disappearing under the sheet.

Leia gently parted her legs to make room for him as she felt him getting lower and lower, his head making a lump in the sheet that was almost enough to distract her from the pleasant sensations Han was causing underneath. She lay back with her arms above her head, letting out a sigh and shutting her eyes, the dizziness from the alcohol still affecting her. She lost track of time before she realized Han had stopped doing what he had been doing and instead she felt his head resting on her thigh, laying motionless.

She brought her hands down and placed them on his sheet-covered head. "You all right under there?"

Immediately his head popped up, which only made her laugh before she lifted the sheet to look down at him questioningly. "I'm fine, just...." He trailed off a little before he emerged from under the sheet and collapsed on his side next to her again, his head resting heavily on the pillow.

"Still dizzy?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Though at this angle she was relieved that she could also rest her head on her own pillow, turning on her side to face him.

"Just a little," he replied, looking apologetic.

"Me, too," she said, reaching her hand up to stroke his cheek. "You're kind of cute when you're trying not to throw up," she said, smiling at him.

"I'm not gonna throw up," he protested. "I think we just need to figure out a way to do this where I don't have to lift up my head. I don't think I'm going to be as thorough tonight as I thought."

Always being a problem solver, Leia pushed him on his back and rolled on top of him. "Well, let me see what I can do."

His eyes lit up as it appeared he had some idea what he was in for. Her legs straddled him and she leaned down to capture his lips with hers once again, and suddenly he was dizzy for an entirely different reason. His hands moved up her back and she moved slowly on top of him in a familiar rhythm that had never failed to get him going. Before he knew what was happening her hand found him and he slipped inside, letting out an involuntary groan before she continued her slow, sensual movements on top of him. "I love it when you're in the mood to be extra nice to me."

She smiled and leaned down to kiss him and hold him close. His hands warm hands slid along the soft skin on her back to aid her as she slowly moved her hips against him for what felt like an eternity. Finally releasing his lips her mouth moved along his jaw until he could feel her breath on his ear as she whispered, "I have a confession to make." At this point his brain wasn't functioning particularly well, but there was something about her voice that always brought him back to reality. "I'm in love with you."

His arms wrapped even more tightly around her as he pulled her somehow even closer. "Now who's the mushy one?" he asked. He was having trouble catching his breath now as she continued to move against him. "You know what? I'm in love with you, too."

He could somehow feel her smile against his neck. "I'm so glad to hear it. Especially because maybe you won't be mad at me when I tell you I need to lie down again."

"Wait," he protested, not quite sure he was hearing her right but before he could stop her she rolled off to his side and rested her head against the pillow again. This wasn't exactly how he had envisioned this particular evening going. When their eyes met, all they could do was smile and erupt into laughter. "I'm sorry," Leia said as she tried and failed to compose herself.

"It's ok," he replied, still laughing himself. "Let's see if we can do this without lifting our heads up too much. Come here," he said as he pulled her close against him, his hand resting against her lower back and holding her tightly.

"Oh," she said, the laughter being replaced by excitement. "This just might work."

He nodded at her and replied, "I think we can make it work," and then he resumed where they had left off, slowly moving against her and then leaning in to kiss her again. "See?"

She nodded in agreement and wrapped her arms around him, moving slowly and dreamily. Her head was still spinning but she shut her eyes and tried to just enjoy the pleasant sensations, the touch and warmth of Han's body against hers, the sound of his voice as he occasionally rumbled words of encouragement into her ear.

A while later, when they were both spent, they were lying still and simply holding each other.

His lips moved down her neck and she sighed against him. "You sure that after ten years of this you're not tired of me?"

"Do I seem tired of you?" Han asked, pulling her even closer.

"I don't know, you can't even lift your head up right now."

He had been nuzzling her neck and she felt his breath there as he laughed. "Minor setback. If I could spend a hundred years with you, I'd still want more."

"You're just saying that because you're still a little drunk. And also probably because we just had sex."

"Have I ever said anything I didn't really mean?"

"No," she conceded, although she could tell he knew she was only teasing him. "And maybe this is just the alcohol in me talking but I love you so much, and every day I'm still glad that you found me on that Death Star. Even though I know you wanted to just leave me there."

Han's face paled. "You knew that?"

She nodded. "Luke told me. 'Better her than me,' I think he said."

"Sweetheart, you know I didn't..."

She pressed her finger to his lips. "Shhhh. I know. I think you've risked your life for me enough times since that I know that you never meant that. Just you being your usual, defiant self."

"I need to thank your brother again for making me go get you."

"I have one more thing to say to you," she said, reaching up and stroking his cheek.

"And what's that?"

"That alcohol is making my head spin so much, if I don't go to sleep soon I am probably going to be sick."

"Come over here," he said as he rolled onto his back and pulled her in so she could lie her head on his chest. "No drinking tomorrow night. It's our last night alone and we're going to make it count."

"I think I can agree with you on that one. Happy anniversary," she said, now barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Same to you," he replied before they both fell into a peaceful sleep.